Everyone’s journey is different.

The days are long, but the years are short.

You’ll find a strength you didn’t know you had.

These are all statements heard repeatedly during pregnancy in preparation for parenthood, all easier heard than lived. This is my experience. Vulnerable as it is to share, my desire is for anyone who finds this page to be encouraged that we all face our own challenges but individual as they may be, may solace and encouragement be found in shared stories.

Everyone’s Journey is Different

Loneliness in Experience

Three months postpartum, a week before I planned to return to work, a misstep on uneven cobblestone landed me in the hospital for four days for emergency double ankle surgery — I had a bimalleolar ankle fracture. My greatest fear of undergoing anesthesia for surgery was being lived, just when a life was given to me to care for, to love, to raise. Postpartum struggles for my own life were already different from others, but there was at least some level of commonality in connection, a bond in the understanding that these challenges would be overcome. Not being able to put weight on my leg, for multiple weeks, with an infant at home, was something no one else could possibly understand. Try as they might. Why was this happening and why me?

The Days Are Long, the Years Are Short

Unspeakable Pain and Suffering

After weeks of discovering how to function - let’s be honest, survive - with a newborn, my incredible husband and I were starting to find our groove. Managing diaper changes and colic consoling, practicing getting out of the house, learning how to practice positive communication as we supported one another and our beautiful new baby’s life, as well as caring for our first babies (cats Tobias and Prosecco), was near impossible but we were doing it. Together.

The sudden removal of basic mobility required my partner to bear the weight of household management. It forced me to be dependent, to ask for help in scenarios I felt ridiculous not being able to deliver on. Dishes? Impossible. Showering? Misery. The relentless nerve pain from surgical damage to them was excruciating, with intrusive thoughts of self harm entering every wee hour of the night as a remedy to alleviate the misery. Which was terrifying. The emotional pain, however, of not being able to walk to pick up my daughter when she would cry, and have to situate a bedridden care station to tend to her needs, was somehow far more painful than the physical hell being endured.

Life was lived day by day, moment by moment, to get through the season. Why was this happening, and at all times, why now?

You’ll Find a Strength You Didn’t Know You Had

Love is Powerful

For every ounce of sadness within my heart for what our family was going through, a generous pour of joy overflowed from within my soul. Witnessing my husband rise to levels he did not know he had within him was euphoric. Connecting to community and receiving their care, through meals delivered and made, nourished our hungry bodies and hearts. Love’s depths reached further than I knew possible.

Seeing my sweet daughter discover the world, look to us as her parents for her every need, and love us as her everything allowed me to grow in ways I never thought possible. This new person did not mind that I couldn’t walk and hold her, or that I had yet to regain bladder control after her entry into the world, or that my hormones were roller coastering, that a cocktail of medications were needed to help me function, or even that I still held on to the 40 pounds my body gained to support her life as she grew inside me. All she knew is that her dad and I were her everything. She felt feelings (and quite big!) which helped me manage and calm my own emotions, knowing that her sponge heart was absorbing the energy moving all around her. A true Cancer stellium, she loved on me as I nurtured her. She ignited my husband to take strides toward his Cancer North Node — a destiny of courageous care and cultivation of a love-filled home. Her name, Aurora June, signifies a magical new dawn and harmonious partnership. She showed our home a strength we could’ve never imagined. She brought us to new horizons, as we established deeper roots, immersed in love and compassion for one another above all.

As healing advances and mobility returns, I am eager to step toward what’s next for myself, my family, and what that means for the world we get to show up in every day.

The Why Tarot Spread

These three questions, used in the context of tarot, journaling prompts, or general thought exercise, can aid in the processing of one’s own circumstances, the potential greater significance of their meaning, and what may await on the other side of where you now find yourself to be.

Why me?

The personal element, even if within a shared scenario, is uniquely tied to you. Of anyone else it might’ve been, why were you the one selected for this experience?

Why now?

Timing is everything. Nothing is coincidental. What does it mean in the context of the immediate?

What’s next?

Surely something is to be gained as time advances. What potential does the future hold?

Are you going through challenging times right now? Looking to be heard or seen? If you’re interested in gaining additional insights on how to manage, I would love to meet with you and support you along your journey. Reach out or book a session.

Why Me, Why Now, and What’s Next